Fullfilled

This may be the very first time in my life that I have been able to say this word! Not just say it, but mean it from the depths of my soul.

Let me tell you, since I became a mom 5 years ago, I have done some soul searching. Dont misunderstand me either. I have always been "happy", I think I am by nature. I have tough days just like everyone else, but I am "happy". But this is different. I feel FULFILLED!

Over the past 5 years I have been trying to find my path. Being a stay at home mom was something that I have always dreamed about. But it wasnt everything I thought it would be. How could I not be fulfilled when the biggest dream or wish that I had ever prayed for came true? For me it was only part of the equation.

I struggled for years with insecurities and self doubt. That is when the running came to light. The biggest gift I was ever given, was by my friend and trainer Amanda. She believed in me, and in turn I chose to, for the first time believe in me as well. Breaking down barriers of self doubt thru excercise helped me grow. I became a more patient and loving mom, a more supportive, understanding, and loving, wife, and more the person I want to be. I have spent the last two years running, biking, and swimming my way to accomplish the goals that seemed unattainable...and this empowered me!

But still something was amiss. But what? After the races are over, the kids are at school, I am left to wonder if there is more for me? Staying home and cleaning, cooking, facebooking, not something I wake up looking forward to! It has its days.....but when the house is clean, the laundry is put away, what then? For me it is to work again! To be passionate, and excited about something again. I LOVE being a stay at home mom, but it doesnt have to define me. I can also be a business woman, an athlete, a wife. And those as a whole can help define me...almost. Finding this new opportunity to work out my home while still being able to juggle the things I love like, being a mom, a wife, an athlete (I can believe I just used that word to describe me), a maid, a cook, a friend....has left me feeling fulfilled. It is healthy for my soul. It is the missing piece to my intricate, and almost complete puzzle. But just like a puzzle it takes all the pieces working together to make a beautiful picture. For the first time ever I have found all my pieces, and I am loving putting it all together. I sit back and look on my now life, and think...if this is it....I like it!